Things for Which This Almost-7-Month-Old is Thankful

"Thank you for this bottle of water that is impossible to work properly!"

I have been informed that today is a day specifically set aside for giving thanks, whatever that it is. 

 Grandma explaining Thanksgiving and the concept of "thanks" to me.

"You people actually believe this stuff?"

Apparently thanks is being happy for everything I have been given. This day seems pointless, as I am happy for what I have been given everyday; I just expect more. This seems to be the spirit of the holiday, as my grandma is looking through a lot of oddly flexible books of things she is wanting to buy tomorrow. So here is a list of things for which I am thankful, but could be improved.

1. My parents. They are some of the best toys, they tickle me, feed me food, carry me around, and their hands are amazing to watch as they dangle them above my head, but they objectionably refuse to allow me to stick their fingers in my mouth when I want them to do so. I now have at least two odd, hard growths protruding from my gums, and it hurts to bite down on my own fingers. They give me all sorts of other things I can munch on, but they will not oblige to insert their fingers into my mouth when I grab them and attempt to shove them in. They are so inconsiderate.

2. My parents also recently obtained my grandparents as permanent servants for our castle.

"Are you going to stay as my servants?"

"Thank you for the servants, Mommy!"

This is a wonderful addition, but I would greatly appreciate more servants.

3. I am also thankful for my toys. This can be improved in two ways. First, they can stop this charade that everything in this world is not my toy and let me play with shoes, remotes, phones, keys, soiled diapers, plates, and tablecloths. They try to act all pretentious as if these things are too good for me. I try to return the favor by stealing their precious belongings and shoving them in my mouth but their superior range of motion and reach makes it difficult for this lesson to stick. So it is that the other way in which they may make my thanks greater when it comes to toys is by getting me more that they would not mind me jamming into my mouth and biting repeatedly. Thus I am thankful that my grandmother is doing her best to remedy this second complaint of mine.

"Ooh, which one should you get me?"

"I think I like that one."

"Yes, that one does look very nice."

"Will you please get it for me, Grandma? Thanks!"

4. I am thankful for all of you who read your favorite little monarch's blog posts.

"Daddy, do you not think that this picture is a little much to prove this point?"

I am often being told by many people that they read my writings. That is marvelous, but more of your fellow citizens of my kingdom must read my blog to avoid increased gift taxes. So spread the word!