Pranking the Parents

So I have a few ongoing jokes I am pulling with my parents. This may seem like a harsh way to treat my Mommy and Daddy, a Queen and a King, but as a Princess is higher ranked than either of those positions (that is how a monarchy works, right?) and they have been teasing me as well, I do not feel that it is inappropriate to return the favor.

Prank 1: Pretend to change what I think is funny/entertaining

This is my personal favorite. My Mommy and Daddy do all that they can to keep me entertained, and I do mean all that they can. Those two make the most RIDICULOUS noises! It's hilarious! Other people do, too! I have a great entertainment line-up constantly floating around me. But to keep them on their toes, and making increasingly far-fetched noises, faces, and gestures, I only allow myself to laugh the first time, or perhaps a second time a week or two later. You would not believe the crazy "Boop boop boop" "brrrrooooobrrrrooooo" "beeboobeeboo" "cootchylootchyrootchyroo" and other things these people will say. Even if I could not do any of the other pranks, I would be happy with just this one. Thankfully, my life is not that restricted and boring.

Prank 2: Stop doing something right when it is to be shown off, recorded, or photographed

I can do some pretty incredible stuff, but I do not perform my acts for just anybody. It is also hilarious to watch my parents get frustrated with how selective I am on my feats. For example, I used to sigh every time that I sneezed. Just a little "Achoo-aahhh" just to demonstrate how freaking adorable I am. I kept this up for a week, during which time Mommy and Daddy told everyone about it. So, right when my Little Grandma came to visit, I stopped completely. Mommy and Daddy were flabbergasted, but best of all, I think Little Grandma thinks they're crazy now. They are.

Prank 3: Blinking when being photographed

Daddy is very particular about his photos, which makes it very easy to mess with him. All I have to do is wait until I see his finger begin to press harder onto the big button on top of the camera and then blink. It throws him off every time! He says I look drunk in those photos, but I'm sure I look just as adorable as ever. No amount of blinking could mess up this perfect face.

Prank 4: Pretending like I don't like snuggles

This is usually pretty easy to get away with, and is not usually a prank. When I get really tired, however, all I want to do is snuggle, and it's all that the audience wants as well, so that is EXACTLY what I won't give them. The only problem is that when I do get this tired, I tend to lose track of the goal and snuggle in, but only for a moment before I remember the bigger picture and pop my head back up again, pretending like it never happened.

Prank 5: Acting like I did not mean to do whatever it is I did

Good examples of this include: knocking things over, dropping things I still want to play with, grabbing Mommy's hair, making the world spin until I'm on my tummy, and just about everything else on this list. The most important part about this, as it is with all good jokes, is the delivery. Sustained eye contact the whole time is important. I have also heard it is necessary with all acting to really get into the role. Sometimes, I DON'T actually mean to do what I do. Acting.

Prank 6: Holding in bowel movements until right after a diaper is changed

Ha. Classic. Works best with cloth diapers.

Prank 7: Becoming more active when laid down for a nap

Step 1 - Rub eyes and act lethargic. Step 2 - Wait until they lay me down in my royal bedchambers. Step 3 - WIGGLE LIKE CRAZY AND MAKE LOTS OF HAPPY NOISES! Step 4 - Smile wryly.

Prank 8: Sarcastic remarks

This has proven to be less effective than it is when they use it on me, as they do not seem to understand what I say. It's a shame, because I get in some pretty good zingers.

Prank 9: Crying when they give me what I want

I've been doing this one forever. "I WANT MY PACIFIER! WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME A PACIFIER??" "I WANT FOOD! WHAT IS THIS DELICIOUS LIQUID YOU'RE PUTTING IN MY MOUTH??" I think this is what they call irony.

Prank 10: Be uncomfortable with the positions I put myself in

This is the newest trick I've learned, and goes along with my last entry. All I have to do is wait until they are out of the room, make the world spin until I am on my belly, and then cry until they spin me back so I can do it all over again. Suckers. I started by only doing this occasionally, but now that I really have the hang of controlling the world, I figure "Hey, why not do this ALL OF THE TIME!" Mommy says that the 12+ times I did it last night was far too much. Just wait, Mommy, just you wait. You think you're sleep deprived now? Wait until I've fully tricked you into having MORE CHILDREN. This princess wants others in the royal family to rule over. Who knows? Maybe I'll teach them some of my tricks.

Your (mostly) Benevolent Monarch,
Princess Ellie