How to Mommy

I have recently received a new doll from, well, I do not know what my exact relation is to them. I believe the technical term is GreatServant Bud and GreatServant Karen. Yes, that sounds correct. Anyway, they gave me a toy for the next upcoming holiday, My Birthday. That is the correct use of capitalization, as it is, truly, a holy day. I love my new dolly, as I love my other dolly, Stella, as well. I kiss them. I hold hold them lovingly. I throw them across the room. I slam them onto the ottoman. I am truly going to be a gifted Mommy some day.

Here are four photographs detailing how to Mommy:

Kiss.

Hold gently.

Suffocate.

Shake.

Disclaimer: My Mommy does not treat me the way I treat my dollies. Thank goodness.

They Dyed Eggs Various Colours. It was Fun. I Practiced Sarcasm.

"What is this?"

"What is this that we are doing, GrandDaddyServant Little?"

"This is silly, Mommy."

"So you dip those misshapen orbs in those cups, and they come out in differing colours?"

"That is worthwhile. I shall clap sarcastically."

"Alright, I believe I am done with this, now."

"Really, servants, I am tired, and would appreciate some rest."

"I wonder if I could dye my puffs different colours..."

"Why is the egg with the most disgusting colour the one with my name on it?"

Easter Dress Photoshoot

There has been an uproar demanding photographs of me in my Easter dress. Here is a little photographic engagement on which we embarked during the holiday. I do not have much commentary for these beautiful photographs, as I was mostly happy during the shoot. I will commence, starting with a photograph of the back of the dress.

Behind every beautiful photograph of me, however, there are many less-attractive photographs. Here are a few.

"It is exceedingly bright."

"If only I was not surrounded by grass I could escape from this torture."

"Lalalaaaa..."

"Ugh, Dad, are you done yet?"

"I am finished with this lamb. May I remove it now?"

"Oh, this is very...wait..."

"Is there something else on top of my head?"

Easter and the Hall of My Family & Jesus

GrandMommyServant Little visited recently, and while she was here I became very aware of two frames in our hallway. This is due to her pointing them out to me. She started a game called "Mommy, Daddy, Ellie, JESUS!" It is a game in the loosest sense of the word, as no person ever wins, and the game only ends when I grow tired of it. This, however, seems to be the sole rules for all "games" I am allowed to play at this time. Except for Chasing Cousing Hendrick, which I always win.

I have also been made aware of another holiday called Easter. I celebrated Christmas, which was about the birth of Jesus, and now we celebrate Easter, which is when He rose from the grave. I do not know what Christmas, Easter, or grave mean, but they all seem very important. I am told that He lives today and helps us. He must be very, very old, but He is very, very helpful, too. In order to celebrate this holiday fully, I will show you two videos. One is of Mommy, Daddy, Ellie, JESUS and the other is a video I watched with Daddy. I apologize for my lack of enthusiasm in the first video. It was much higher in previous sessions of the game, but I was sick in this video, so I was not quite as energetic.

Here we are, watching the motion photograph. I kept attempting to point at Jesus, but then the motion photograph would stop playing. It took quite awhile to watch all of it.

A Desert and a Dress

Recently, we went to the desert for a photography shoot. More photographs will follow in a week or so. Yet this was my first time experiencing the desert. It is an overly bright location with a substance I have never seen (although my family claims I have) called sand. It glows. It looks dirty. It was not to my liking. There were plants that appeared to be deceased. I already have a trust issue with plants. I do not want to touch them. These I refused to be within five feet of their location. I got to wear a gorgeous dress, though, so all is well.

"It is too bright. What is that down there?"

"Sand? I can already tell that I do not like sand."

"Why have you brought me here?"

"I am too beautiful for such a place."

Photography credit for this entry goes to GrandMommyServant Little.

The Coil of Wonder

Mommy also recently produced a wondrous toy called a Slinky. It appears to be an object of indefinite shape and size. I believe it to be a totem of some mystical power for which I have no possible understanding.

"What is this witchcraft?"

"Let me obtain it that I may explore its merits more fully, preferably with my mouth."

"Ooooh..."

"Aaaaah..."

"This is far less intriguing when it is not floating and reshaping itself in the air."

"O Slinky, I shall devote my immediate attention to thee for the next few moments."

Padawan Ellie

Daddy recently let me play with one of his toys, called a lightsaber. Here is his favorite photograph of my experience playing with this particular toy.

This, however, took many attempts to reach. Here is a collection of many of the better photographs. Everyone seemed convinced that it was a dangerous weapon and that I should not grab hold of the most interesting portion. I did not understand. I was instructed to make certain noises as well as the lightsaber was waved about, but this often ended in me being hit in the head.

"Silly grandma, I will hold this lightsaber however I like."

"Oh dear! It bonked me on the head!"

"This does not appear to be lethal. You were just chaffing me, were you not?"

"I shall explore this with my mouth to determine its safety."

"Why would I possibly hold onto that boring silver portion?"

"Yes, Mommy, I understand: I must wave it around and make 'Zzhhzh' noises."