Family Home Evening

Mommy and Daddy have always insisted I participate in a weekly activity known as Family Home Evening. This is where we would gather together in the living room, exactly like every other night, but on this night they would pray while I giggled at them. Then they would talk about their plans for the week as I attempted to gain their attention, and finally they would read to me from a book that I, try as I might, failed to destroy. I also failed at grasping the importance of this activity. Now that we live closer to GrandServants, I now know what it is that Mommy and Daddy were missing in their family home evenings: baskets of peculiarly shaped items and a framed painting of Jesus.

"I know the word 'Stop!' It is the word Daddy says when he wants to chase me. I dutifully run as swiftly as possible in the opposite direction."

The first week that we did a proper Family Home Evening, I was presented with the painting of Jesus and asked to place depictions of heads upon it. I know not the reason, but I obeyed.

"Jeezzzuzzz!"

"Yes, I understand that Jesus loves Mommy, but to whom does this disembodied head belong?"

"Does Jesus love Mickey?"

"...but Daddy has a beard..."

GrandMommyServant enjoys attempting to direct my play during these activities. I appreciate the time together, and being informed that I am loved, but I always gently remind her that I am in control.

Now, whenever I visit their house, I demand that the GrandServants immediately lower Family Home Evening that I may carry the baskets about and organize accordingly.

The Porch

Whenever GrandMommyServant arrives, I immediately demand to be let onto the porch so we can explore, sort rocks, and look at kitties.

"KI'Y!"

"KI'Y!"

"Ki'y?"

"OW!" Mommy and Daddy try to mislead me by saying kitties say Meow. Kitties do not say Meow. There is no Me.

I am so excited that I cannot control myself.

"Peradventure kitties say Ow because they are always in pain..."

Fingers are most effective if used simultaneously to teeth and pick one's nostril.

Perhaps I would be able to jump that high, too, if I had not deserted crawling.

I withstand touching kitties as they are covered in their own saliva. It is difficult, however, to resist.

"These rocks must be organized."

This is my outdoor throne.

"From whence did that arm originate?"

"Thou art too bright, M'GrandMommyServant!"

I love my kitties.

I must pet them gently.

Hi kitty.

Kitties love to be petted.

"Can the kitties come inside?" The answer was no, because they make Daddy sneeze. I told Daddy he makes me sneeze, but he did not understand.

Card Games

As I have recently decided to bridle my primal urge to immediately destroy everything within my grasp, I have been allowed to participate in card games. For those of you who have never been introduced to card games, you must know that they are mindless activities where a group of people sit around a table and pass colored pieces of paper about. I find these activities to be far inferior to the more complex games in which I am wont to play, but I continue to participate in order to meet my social requirements. I also insist that I explain to whomever is my assistant how to properly organize their cards and how to effectively haggle for what it is I want.

Northwest to Midwest, Part II: Tourism and Tantrums

The next morning we awoke to explore our destination. It was a most intriguing location for a vacation. We spent those days being led through many homes by people who did not live in these houses. The abodes were small and creaky and restricting. I was not allowed to wander and touch everything as I am wont to do while elderly individuals explained to me how the former residents lived their lives. I cannot help but assume that this is what is done with homes after people have evacuated the premises. Perhaps our previous castle is now being toured by endearing citizens. These excursions would hold my attention for some moments before I demanded a self-guided tour, which I was permitted to do in the gardens. This was preferable, despite the excessive heat which stuck to my skin whenever I exited a building. Here are photographs to accompany the rest of the sites we visited.

"We traveled all this way to see Jesus? You do realize that Jesus resides in many paintings at our castle?"

"It is quite a tall Jesus..."

  

"Now, if you would kindly look behind me, you will see a statue."

"YAY! Wait, this is not Doc McStuffins..."

We took many family photographs. Here we are on the premises of this grand palace.

   

I attempted to enter, but I am too young. Some day I will.

This is my preferred means of transportation. I will gladly acquiesce to visiting any location if it is through swinging.

There was a plethora of rocks that required sorting.

GrandMommyServant and I toured the grounds. I was not pleased when I discovered the tour was simply a ploy to elicit a nap out of me.

   

Another family photograph. Here we are in front of a jail. I am still confused as to why we toured a dungeon.

 I made the wise decision to issue a complaint so as to effectively vacate the premises as quickly as I was able.

GrandDaddyServant was kind enough to walk with me.

We later visited horsies. Daddy showed me how to pet them.

I had to learn how to be gentle. It is a hard concept.

The horsies' manes were much coarser than my horsie's.

"HORSIES!"

"Why are we not riding on the horsies?"

Thankfully, I did thoroughly enjoy being upon GrandDaddyServant's lap.

Later, we revisited the building in which the Tall Jesus resided. When asked where one might find Jesus, I directed Daddy there immediately.

Here I am, exploring a building in my preferred manner.

"Is it not exceedingly wondrous, GrandDaddyServant, that I rule over all of this?"

"This chalk is quite unnecessary. I prefer erasing."

"I do not appreciate the feel of this rope, no matter its historical value."

The flight home was uneventful, although far too late. Once again, I slept wonderfully.

Northwest to Midwest, Part I: Planes, Twains, and Automobiles

I recently found myself restrained once more in the confines of a plane. This time was different, however, as I have now discovered the true purpose of a plane. Dearest citizens, I am ashamed for all the ill I have communicated regarding this planes, as I now know them to be wondrous means of transportation which lift me from the ground and keep me in awe for quite a long moment. Then it was the duty of Mommy and a GrandMommyServant to maintain a high entertainment value for the exceedingly lengthy flight. They did fairly well, so I graced them with a quick nap. Once landed, I played in the pool, ate some food, and refused to sleep until long after Mommy and Daddy would have preferred, as I insisted to explore thoroughly the room in which we slept. We rode in a carriage for most of the next day. All present marveled at my willingness to do so, forgetting that planes require snuggling while carriages allow me some physical space. We visited many sites. The first was a temple.

Daddy requested that I mention that this photograph is not edited. Why he wanted to share a lower quality photograph on my fine diary baffles me.

I did not attempt to enter, despite what falsehoods this photograph may be attempting to portray.

I did, however, enjoy the provided splash pad. By enjoy, I mean to say that I touched the water, but did no more.

We then reentered the carriage and traveled through a very delightful nap to a new locale. Here we took a photograph with a statue commemorating a mustachioed individual by the name of Mark Twain.

Daddy had apparently visited this location previously, as he assumed the role of navigator throughout this and the next village.

In fact, there were many sites dedicated to the memory of this man, all more droll than the last. Here was a fence with a bucket and brushes to paint a fence. There was no paint, and thus it was never painted. It was enough to hold my attention for a few moments, but I failed to grasp its significance. 

If only there had been something to explain this odd endeavor.

I was sure to utilize this opportunity to wander about to its fullest.

Then, when we were nice and hungry, I was fed, though not at the rate I would have preferred.

We then visited another municipality, although Daddy wasted the visit photographing objects instead of me, so there are no more photographs worthy of this diary. We arrived in our temporary living quarters that evening and I slept wonderfully.

I love traveling, as I am always amazed by how large of a kingdom I rule.