Princess of Bavaria

My parental units and I recently went to a wondrous land of tall mountains, beautiful buildings, and a sleepless night. The drive in our carriage was of an unknown length due to My Dear Sister and I sleeping nearly the entire ride. When I awoke, there was much hullabaloo about a blue building and horsies. We left soon thereafter and went to eat in a land with wondrous lights. 

We had to wait to eat, a concept I have yet to grasp. Why must one wait to be fed? Should it not be instantaneous? Why must we torture each other so? Yet I am a patient princess (unless it is nighttime) and so I allowed myself to be carried through shops. This was to be a small taste of the next day's activities. Shopping is where we walk through places where there are many objects that everyone except me is allowed to touch. I continue to test this rule, in case someone other than me begins to recognize the hypocrisy behind it. We ate at the restaurant, but I avoided the odd noodles and instead stuck with veggie straws, a new favorite. When we returned to the blue building, we were all expected to sleep in the same room. Whoever thought this was appropriate was sorely mistaken. I required to be rocked to sleep before being laid in the bed which made funny noises when I scratched at it. As I was being rocked to sleep, My Dear Sister refused to be silent. I did, eventually, fall asleep, but awoke in the odd bed multiple times henceforth. We again went into town the next morning, but the shops were closed. Again, we were made to wait. All was well, though, as I had my feet to keep me busy. Daddy drove the carriage out of town, stop, then go, then stop. He did this often enough to keep me from getting comfortable and falling asleep. While sleep evaded me, my feet never can, so I was not terribly disappointed. I was strapped to the front of Daddy for all of the shops. Daddy is cleverer than he looks, and has learned dubious tricks which keep me from being able to grasp the items which I most wish to chew upon. Excepting, that is, the most valuable of objects. In one of the shops, we were treated with chocolate. Daddy granted me a small portion, and then attempted to block me from the rest. As you can see, this theme of withholding food seems to be a trend. Thankfully, I am cleverer, and as soon as I knew how glorious the chocolate was, I was able to shove as much chocolate as I could into my mouth. That chocolate was the highlight of the trip. What more is there to say?

"Hey fella, ya got anymore of that chocolate on ya?"

Pumpkin Slaughter and Chocolate Soliciting

There is a time-honored tradition in the land called Halloween. It is a tradition which starts long in advance before the actual holiday. The early stages begin with costume design and creation. My Dear Sister received a new dress, Daddy made a hat, Mommy got a crown and altered a dress, and I got a hand-me-down cocoon of fluff. I minded this very little for the most part, as I was warm and cuddled, but I did not appreciate the hood which I was forced to wear. The next step of the celebration is spent slaughtering helpless gourds. 

Thank you, Papa, for introducing me to this kind pumpkin...

...which Daddy promptly disemboweled.

"Do these results justify the means?"

All of this culminated in My Dear Sister soliciting chocolate from strangers. I was given very little - a fact which I have not forgotten, dear parents. Why did these unknown persons willingly bestow sweets upon marauding children due to a thinly veiled threat from the children? If someone were to knock on my door and offer an alliterated ultimatum I would not bequeath any of my precious chocolate. I can only assume that all of the homes we visited were decorated so fiercely in a failed attempt to scare away the aforementioned smugglers of sweets.

"How did this become a thing?"

Kangaroos vs Kitties

Sometimes, when Mommy takes me on an outing, I am regaled with the view from a sling placed upon her belly. This position allows me the comfort of being close to Mommy while still seeing all that there is to see. I thought that this was a rare treat only granted to princesses until recently when I saw animals doing the same. These tall animals, called Kangaroos, hold their children in a similar fashion. I believe my position is far more favorable, however, as it allows a better vantage point and greater ease in wiggling. Mommy held one of the said children next to me, and I pet its fur politely. I also pet the tall adults with no fear. Daddy says that kangaroos have been known to really hurt people, but I knew these giants to be gentle creatures. 

Don't you dare expect me to touch a kitty outside, though; I will scream. How dare you even try. Indoors, a kitty is a harmless, gentle, furry creature which I love to pet. Outdoors, they are the most horrifying creatures I have yet discovered. Whenever I see one, I emit many "Hmms" of fear and dread. Daddy even directed my hand to touch a kitty's fur in the wild of my grandparents' backyard. I emitted a squawk of trepidation so immense that Daddy has never tried since. Outside kitties are loathsome creatures and I refuse to be associated with them.

Pointing at the Zoo

I went to a place a long while ago where there were many animals. I pointed at them all. Some made me go "Hmm! Hmm! Hmm!" Hmm communicates far more than one would think. It can express fear (in the case of kitties in the wild), excitement (in the case of pumpkins), or nearly any other emotion. In fact, I use it because of its versatility. It has become nearly entirely a replacement for growling and babbling. I digress. I pointed at all of the animals I saw to indicate their presence to others. There were many odd and large animals which, thankfully, I have never seen since.

"This animal which you call a chicken seems least frightening."

"Well, hello there penguins. I apologize for chewing on your stuffed variety so vehemently."

"Beware, My Dear Sister! There is a tiger behind you!"

"Excuse me, coachman: should we not be going this way?"

"Why are all beasts not this size?"