The Busy Life of a Toddler

Sometime after I began utilizing walking as my primary means of transportation I was reclassified as a toddler. Mommy, however, still refers to me as a baby occasionally, which is exceedingly confusing. I know not the meaning of said classification, but I do know that I have been far more mobile as of late, which means I can act exactly like Mommy and Daddy by moving objects from one place to another all day. I apologize that Daddy did not acquire all of my operations in this motion photograph as I had been working on transporting this notforellie across the living room for a unit of time Mommy and Daddy say was half an hour before this began. I am also told this is fifteen minutes of work in three minutes' time, which all seems to be gibberish to me.

Failed Attempts at Escape

Despite my recent acquisition of the talent of walking, I am still foiled by the gate separating me from the rest of the castle. I have found that verbal complaints are futile, and have thus resorted to patience. Occasionally Mommy or Daddy will come through and I will slip past easily. I am beginning to understand the locking mechanism, although my vertical domain has not increased quite far enough to utilize this feature to open the gate. I have also started attempting to eat my way out, but it has, as of yet, been a fruitless effort.

Exceedingly Hot Weather

The weather has been of an excessively high temperature as of late. I know not the reason for this, but I have not been appreciative for the heat. Mommy and Daddy keep me very content whilst inside my mansion, yet whenever we exit I am faced with air which is not at an appropriate degree acceptable to one as precious as myself. Luckily, there is an invention entitled "Air Conditioning" of which I am particularly fond. This is a device which creates cold wind. As I am already fascinated with wind, and appreciate being comfortable, I find this an especially wonderful idea. I would give whomever invented it an honorable smirk followed by a quick turning of my head if I were to ever meet him or her. It is the highest honor this Benevolent Monarch can give.

Whispering

I am attempting to master the art of the whisper. I require quite a lot more practice, yet I believe myself to be fairly adept for my age. Here is a motion photograph to showcase my talent.

Tour Guide

I have decided that it is time that I am the one to indicate obvious facts to my oblivious caretakers whilst upon hikes. Daddy calls this "being a tour guide," which is a title I will accept as it is much kinder than the explanation I gave in the previous sentence.

"Over here you shall see grass. Fun fact about grass: it tickles."

"There appears to be nothing here."

"Nevermind, something moved. I believe it to be some sort of miniature dragon. We may depart."

"This is a flower."

"Let us consider this flower."

"If you will direct your attention upon yon mountain, you will note that it is a mountain."

"When did we obtain mountains in this region?"

All good tour guides dance at some point.

 I did not see this bird, as Mommy and Daddy attempted to indicate its presence, but as I was livid for them attempting to overtake my position as tour guide, I refused to look upon it.

Little Piggy

As you well know, I am not wont to cuddle with others. I care not for the trivial matters of expressing affection by forcing oneself within the all-too-close proximity of another - unless, that is, if it is to smash my face into the face of another. More on that later. For now, however, I would care for you to understand that I do not snuggle unless it is under extreme duress, exhaustion, dollies to comfort them, or Little Piggy. Mommy and Daddy claim that they only grabbed Little Piggy as it was close in order to appease my complaints whilst attempting to rest, but I know that it was fate, for I sleep best with her and my sleep sack, the latter of which I refuse to sleep without. I am forever grateful for such a compassionate sleeping aide. 

I never wake up this happy without my sleep sack and Little Piggy!

Necklaces

I have a strong penchant for necklaces. They are such regal attire, and yet I am not allowed any of my own. I find this exceedingly hypocritical, as Mommy is permitted to wear necklaces. 

Here I am, admiring Mommy's necklace...

...then claiming it as my own...

...and finally attempting to free it from her possession.

Sadly, each attempt results in me being in a closer proximity to Mommy, which she mistakes as an attempt a cuddle. She is incorrigible. 

As I am not allowed my own jewelry, it is up to me to attempt to create my own out of all that I can find by wrapping them around the back of my neck. This does not last long in most cases for reasons I am incapable of understanding, but for some reason Daddy took this photograph of me attempting to turn one of his socks into a necklace before removing it from my grasp.

Art Connoisseur

I have become quite a connoisseur of art as of late. While wandering the hallways of the chapel I see many paintings and have a large selection of art-filled books. The paintings in the Church, specifically, seem to have misled me, as until recently I believed that Jesus had a homonym which also meant artwork. I am quite sophisticated, spending my day reading and admiring the pieces presented in said books and placed on the walls. Here I am admiring artwork sent to me by my dear cousins.

"The lack of color upon this portrait appears to represent the emptiness in each of us."

"I doubt that this was created by a child."

"I am being facetious! Of course I knew the painting was on the opposite side!"

Just because I am precocious does not mean that I am incapable of humor as well. I suppose I must end this entry with a detail of what I most appreciate in artwork. Invariably the most important quality any piece of art must contain is a transparent barrier between oneself and the painting so that I may see my reflection.

Returning to a Location to Which I Have Never Been

Today Mommy and Daddy took me to a whole new place to which they attempted to have me believe I had been before. They even manufactured a false unit of measure they entitled eleven months to detail how long it had been since we had visited this location, and doctored some photographs in order to persuade me, but I know better.

I certainly would have recalled a place with such interesting wildlife. I saw a wide variety of species, from chipmunks to quackquacks to children.

"A princess must remain hydrated!"

"I am Princess Ellie, and I approve this advertisement for water."

"I am so silly."

"I quite enjoy the scenery, Mommy!"

"What, pray tell, was that splash in the water?"

"A fishy? Such as those in the aquarium? You allow those to roam free?"

"Children!"

"Are these the runes of an ancient civilization?"

"Gasp! Is that a little boy? What an unflattering position this is for him to see me!"

This is one of the chipmunks we saw.

Apparently we must always obtain new family portraits wherever we go.

Daddy's Day and My First Attempt at Poetry

In honor of Daddy's day, I am making Mommy transcribe for me in my blog so we can let Daddy rest. I am still not sure why he considers constant wrestling me with "tiring" and "exhausting" as he says, but nonetheless, I shall let him take a break and make Mommy write for me. 

As a Princess, I have learned that I need to be skilled in many different aspects of life. I am too small to try Pony Riding and Archery, yet I am already a pro at Poise and Diplomatic Negotiations (AKA crying until they give in). And Mommy says I am already a Drama Queen, so I guess I am covered in the Drama department. I have decided that in honor of Daddy's Day, I would attempt a new skill known as Poetry. Mommy says it is sophisticated and classy, so I am positive that I will excel on my first attempt.

My First Poem in Honor of Daddy's Day

Daddy oh Daddy, my dearest friend

Who changes my bum and wipes my rear end

He tickles my toesies with his beard

And I have accepted that he is quite weird

Mommy says that I am a Daddy's Girl

Which makes sense, because Daddy is my whole world

My stylish Daddy who always wears ties

Who wears nice glasses, so he must be wise

He patiently teaches me to read and to swim

If I want to play wildly, I usually go to him

I love to attack him when he is asleep

I cuddle on his shoulder when I feel I must weep

I will give you my Princessy smiles every day

And try to be like you in every way

He is a great royal photographer and writer, too

Daddy, you're the best, and I love you!

My Dominion Vertically Increases

I have noted as of late that I am becoming more capable of obtaining objects which had before evaded my reach. These, of course, are the most enticing of all playthings, and I exert all efforts to obtain said objects. I will even utilize other objects upon the floor to assist in my quest, placing them beneath my feet in a manner that allows me to step upon them and elevate me close enough to lay claim upon these new found toys. Mommy and Daddy, the paradoxes, somehow manage to simultaneously praise my cunning while attempting to thwart it.

My Excitement for New Additions to the Family, Such as Books and...

I am always excited to receive new books. Here I am, explaining my excitement to Mommy and Daddy regarding a new book I recently received.

On my birthday, however, I received a book that for which the GrandServants appeared to show even greater excitement.

It was, to be quite candid, a fairly frightening reaction. Mommy and the GrandMommyServants rushed to read me my new book.

I do not understand why all of the elation is necessary. Perhaps you may understand better if you saw the cover.

"Can you explain this to me, dear reader?"

This book seems to have come with a matching blouse.

I must apologize, I am being facetious. I, of course, understand what is happening: My family is gaining a new servant!

"I am so funny!"

As this book explains exceedingly well, this servant will be quite helpless when it first arrives. I am still fairly nonplussed as to how this servant is supposed to be arriving, though, as Mommy keeps speaking of the baby being inside Mommy's tummy. She also will take my dollies, stick them underneath her shirt, and then have me retrieve the dollies. She also will state that the new servant will materialize in the form of a baby, which, as far as I can tell, is a miniature human that is fun to poke. So I keep a diurnal vigil over Mommy, awaiting the time when an infant will present his- or herself beneath one of Mommy's shirts, during which time it will be my responsibility to fetch said servant. This appears to be the sole reasonable explanation, no matter its implausibility.

When I first learned of the new servant's coming, I chose the most selfless reaction, and immediately became a far more difficult and demanding monarch. Mommy and Daddy did not appear to appreciate this reaction, but it was for their own benefits. You see, I was quite aware as a baby that I was exceedingly more kind to my parental units than other infants were to theirs. Thus, I needed to test them to see if they were truly prepared for the challenge which lay ahead. You will be pleased to note that they passed, and I have thus reverted to being my benevolent self. Now, kindly excuse me while I return to my studies.

"So, you expect me to be serve the servant when he or she first arrives? Simply because he or she will be a helpless infant?"

"We shall see about that."