Balloons are Evil(?)

On Mommy's birthday, there was a big party, and everyone came. Regrettably, so did these nefarious little monsters which most refer to as balloons. I did not appreciate the presence of the balloons, although I had never met them before that day. They are misshapen balls of bright color that move of their own accord. I do not like that. Nobody understands my distrust of these creatures. Since my initial encounter with them, I have noticed that they are beginning to invade in an insidious way. Now they are in the market, wedding receptions, and even my own home. Here is a video of Daddy shoving one in my face for his own enjoyment. 

Daddy is a monster as well.

Mommy and Daddy say this face is adorable. Perhaps if I was not so cute, they would not do such torturous things to me. It is the price we beautiful people have to pay.

As of yet, however, the balloons have not shown any signs of malignancy, and have only wobbled. They do not make loud noises or cause me any harm (while I hear rumors that the loud noises assumption may be incorrect on my part, I have not personally seen it demonstrated). As such, I have decided in recent weeks to come to a truce with the balloons. I wave amiably to them from a distance, and when they come close, I try my best to not go mad with fear. It is not a perfect union, but it has held for the last few weeks.

Winter Adventure in Pink

Mommy and Daddy and I went on a walk in the cold winter air recently. They bundled me up very warmly and comfortably, which I did not appreciate. I very much like the style of the outfit, as it is pink, but I do not like the low mobility it provides. I feel constrained. A princess must be free. I protested by refusing to attempt to move. Thus, I was carried about as if I was an extra piece of clothing. 

I did enjoy the outing, however, and I, of course, looked extremely stylish. Yet does any of my readers perchance know what a Cheshire cat is? Or why Daddy said I looked like "A Pink Nightmare", and Mommy kept saying "I can't put my arms down"? I do not understand.

Daddy and I about to go down the slide. I was disinterested in such trivial pursuits.

I am smiling. No, the smile is not hidden behind the outfit; I am smiling on the inside.

I slid and could not get up.

Daddy and I then went on this odd contraption which slid us from one place to another. Again, I was disinterested. 

I Blame Daddy for My Hair

Photographs have been presented to you in the past of how my hair is not particularly attractive when I awake from a nap. Mommy and Daddy insist on showing you, although I do not appreciate it.

"Daddy? Why do you have your camera out?"

"I know you would not dare allow the rest of the world to view these photographs!"

"Oh, you will? Oh, I do not like that..."

So, in retaliation to my parents, I present to you two photographs of them when they were a little older than I am.. The first is of Daddy after, he is sure, an extreme amount of brushing of his hair. It appears that I have inherited that unlucky trait from him.

"Hi, I am Daddy, and I will curse my daughter with thick hair which she will apparently appreciate when she is older blah blah blah." -Me 

Luckily, however, I inherited Mommy's good looks to counterbalance this ludicrous hair my Daddy decided to bestow upon me.

Compare this to photograph 2 above.

How to Sit in a Throne

One must always sit in a throne in a manner in which that makes one's feet immediately accessible. From my experience, most of my citizens are doing this incorrectly. Let me demonstrate the precise method for sitting in a throne (or chair, for all who are not of royal lineage).

Note the ease of access I have to my toesies.

This technique is just as easy to accomplish in a mobile throne, as well.

Mommy and Daddy keep expecting me to keep my legs bound beneath bars while seated. When will they learn that my limbs must be unbound at all times? I am a princess, and, as such, should be free to sit as I please.

I pray that my post was most beneficial to my faithful readers, and hope to see each of you sitting in a more appropriate fashion in our future encounters.

Magical Bubbles

GrandMommyServant Little visited recently, and brought a special wand that gave Mommy magical powers. Now she can make these mystical spheres called bubbles appear, but only for a short time. I was amazed.

I apologize for Daddy's terrible pun in his choice of music.

Oddly enough, however, the magical bubbles have the ability to make things wet, including my cheeks, when they disappear. I wonder if blowing bubbles in my face is retaliation for soaking her so many times while taking my bath. I tried to grab onto the wand so I could be magical, too, but Mommy was possessive and would not relinquish it to my possession.

Bath Time is for Splashing Mommy

I know that I have posted about the enjoyment which is to be found in bathtime in the past, but I feel that I need to emphasize that point. Water is an incredible invention. If I ever meet the faithful citizen who created it, I will knight him or her. In the meantime, I will show my appreciation by soaking Mommy in it during each occurrence of this joyful event.

Sometimes the water hits back...

Dancing Queen and Dancing Princess

I have come to the certain conclusion that a curse has been put upon me by some nefarious sorcerer. I know this must be the case, because whenever I hear music, I must dance. I have no choice in the matter! I am combating the curse, however, by choosing to enjoy it. Daddy made a little video of my dancing skills. Be forewarned, I contain an overwhelming amount of talent.

Bow to your Benevolent Monarch of Dance.

Crawling: My Valentine Gift to Mommy and Daddy

I am beginning to believe that these people celebrate holidays for the sake of holidays.

Anyway, on the Holiday of Love, I decided to celebrate by throwing my new Belle (a princess) toy around and crawling after her. Now, I know that my fans might falsely believe that I have, as the expression goes, "sold out to the man." I know that you know that I have been delaying this escapade as it was exactly what they wanted out of me, and that it was so very much easier to demand others to retrieve objects that I desired. Yet as soon as I did it, I knew it was completely worth the effort. First, I no longer had to wait for these slothful servants to hand me what I needed. Second, and most importantly, I thoroughly enjoyed their reaction to me crawling. You would have thought that I had discovered how to fly without them holding me in the air!

This picture was taken just before I crawled for the first time. I was very proud of my Belle, and was showing Daddy before I threw her...

...which naturally progressed onto crawling.

They, colloquially speaking, lost their minds! Just witnessing their reactions is the most entertaining part about this whole endeavor.

I do not know who is having more fun with this: me, or Daddy.

Sometimes I get bored with crawling, though, and decide to roll instead.

Either way, the world is now, officially, mine. 

 Mommy and Daddy are now frantically "Baby Proofing", a term which means they are attempting to limit my access to the most intriguing toys in the house. They are silly to believe that they have that sort of power over me.

Cowgirl Princess

I have mentioned before that I got a wooden horsey from my GrandServantDaddy Gates. I love it so much. Here is a picture of me taking my horsey on a ride the other day.

Giving Kisses

Mommy's birthday was awhile ago, and so, for her birthday, I decided to give her the most ironic gift I could imagine: a kiss. I wanted her to know how annoying it is to have somebody shove their mouth up against her face. Sadly, she did not comprehend the protest. 

Now I just keep attacking to try to help her understand. So far it has not worked.

Kissy kissy!

Well, there was one kiss she did not appreciate, but that is because I bit her, so that does not count.

Me, teething on Mommy's nose.

I know she is smiling in this poorly framed photograph, but that is only due to the fact that she smiles when she is in pain. I do not understand.
I have only given Daddy kisses once, though, because his beard is not very pleasant to kiss. I do not know how Mommy does it.

Check Out This Gates' Pearly Whites

These odd teeth growths that I am suffering from inside of my mouth are just becoming increasingly prolific and prominent. Here, let me try to show them to you.

That did not work out as well as I would have liked. Here are some pictures.

"I have a tooth right here."

"And one right here, too...."

"They keep coming!"

"Do you think that the misery will ever end?"

So far, it has not. I have at least six teeth right now, four across the top and the two on the bottom which I have had for awhile. I know I have shown you this picture before, but it shows my teeth really well.

I am happy for other reasons, not because of these sharp growths out of my gums.

One benefit, however, is that Mommy and Daddy are letting me eat foods they sadistically withheld from me previously.

"I think I might love you, too, Mommy! But solely because you are feeding me this banana."

How to Wave Like a Princess

Every one of my subjects has been waving to me, and expecting me to return the favor. I have decided lately that it is time for me to do so. Yet unlike all of these citizens who find it necessary to flap their hands about as if they were sycophantic dancers, I, instead, raise my hand into the air, usually with the palm towards them, in a truly royal manner. Here is a photograph of me waving to the camera. It is not the best wave I have done, but you can understand the basics.

Mommy and Daddy loved this picture, but were disappointed by my hand being in the way of my face. This after them prodding me to wave for quite awhile beforehand. What do they expect out of me?

Here is a better picture that Daddy took of me solely for this diary entry. I found it amusing that he was photographing me solely for the sake of this blog, thus my smirk.

Daddy: Hey Ellie, can I get a good wave for the blog?

Me, in a snobby voice: Oh, you want a good wave?

Waving is now a preferred means by which I can profess my solidarity and camaraderie with Mommy, Daddy, strangers, children in the market, balloons, toys, and videos of myself waving. After all, there is nobody more deserving of a wave than myself.

A Princess In Prison

Mommy went into my room to check on me during a nap recently to discover that I was sitting up in my bed. I thought it was a very clever maneuver, and while she praised me, Daddy lowed my mattress. I now sleep in a jail cell.

It is not all bad, however, because it is now really difficult for them to kiss me while I am in my bed. Listen, Parental Units, I know that I am adorable: I have seen myself in a mirror. If you could, however, resist the urge to kiss my cheeks all of the time, that would be greatly appreciated.

Reading is Fun and Tasty

I love to read books. Often, my parents will leave me surrounded by toys, and will return to find me lost in a good book.

I also will gladly turn the pages all by myself. I am such a good reader.

My parents, the silly people that they are, no longer let me read most books by myself. They believe there is some sort of "choking hazard". I do not know what they are talking about, it is not my fault that books make exquisite chew toys.

Peekaboo

One of my favorite activities a month to two months ago was a game called peekaboo. It was a magical game in which somebody would disappear, either by their own devices or through my supernatural abilities. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing people vanish from being directly in front of me. I was disappointed, however, when, just moments later, they would reappear. I tried to have a pleasant reaction, nevertheless, and try again, but Daddy noticed. He once commented on how odd it was that I was far more excited when he would disappear behind a couch then when he would reappear from behind it. The former elucidated a grandiose guffaw from me, while the latter only received a kind chuckle. Everybody enjoyed the game when I began being the one to control their fate, even if it was for a brief moment.

Part of my learning on how to do this previously documented illusion was from an anthropomorphic bear my Great-GrandServantMommy Gates gave to me. Periodically, she comes to life and lifts a blanket in front of her face. The bear, not the GrandServant. I was so startled by this at first, but came to love it. Which is when I deemed the blanket to be mine and ripped it from her possessive grasp.